Not making a post about my day recently, because I don’t have a lot of time. However, I do want to get this off of my chest.
I’ve denied this to many people, even though I know deep down inside of me, it’s true.
I easily get attached to boys who I talk to on the internet. It’s not necessarily love, but it’s more like I want to communicate with them more. I want to see that they still exist.
There was this one boy who I met online. Although he is an emo and weeaboo fag, I still want to know how he’s doing. I don’t even know why. Maybe it’s because he actually helped me somewhat to get out of an abusive relationship years ago.
But I mean, there are countless of other examples too. Usually when I get attached, I deny liking them. Yet I stalk them. I reread the conversations I had with them. And I always wonder, “what the fuck happened?”
You know, I think the reason I get attached actually, is because I talked to the person once. But once they are gone for who knows how long- I start to miss them, and feel like I took them for granted.
Recently- I had a guy message me on Google Hangouts. His message was hilarious. He told me that he was a yandere male, and that he knew I was interested with him.
I started a conversation, only to troll him afterwards.
I acted all nice. His grammar was terrible. I could not understand him half of the time.
I then began to troll him. I didn’t feel mean at the time. It was just fun to me. I wanted him to block me.
But no, trolling didn’t work. He thought I was serious. It was then I thought he was 10 years old, or a desperate guy on the internet. I voice called him through Skype. It was an okay experience.
I told everyone in real life, that I have this “stalker”. I would show screencaps of our conversations, and laugh at him.
I then called him again the next day, only with a friend nearby. She listened with one earbud, and I talked to him. I insulted him. I called him a loser. Blah blah blah. I told him he wasn’t yandere, and he was incredibly insulted by that.
He then blocked me, and said that we shouldn’t talk anymore because of how rude I was.
At the time, I didn’t feel bad.
Until I went in bed. When I realised how he probably couldn’t sleep tonight.
I’m not a good person. You can’t say that.
But you know what’s bad? I would constantly check if he unblocked me. I craved for more conversation.
But hey, my IRL best friend wanted to talk to him, and troll him more.
This gave me happiness. It wasn’t the end of seeing his messages. I didn’t really care if it was me talking to him or not, I just wanted to see… his existence.
He didn’t take my relationship advice before I stopped talking to him. How sad. I told him specifically not to tell anyone he’s a male yandere (leads to trolls), and to fix his horrid grammar.
He could have had depression. He could have had other mental illnesses. I felt bad for an hour or so, but honestly, for some reason, now I just… want to troll him even more.
I think the main reason why I was so rude was because Jared didn’t like me talking to him, or that I was encouraged by my friends to try to get him to dislike me. I probably ruined his “confidence”.
Why am I so rude?
You know, it’d be funny if he knew about my WordPress blog.
If you’re reading this, just letting you know, if you messaged me a simple, “Hey.” I wouldn’t have trolled you in the first place. I would have found you mysterious- and girls seem to like that.