I feel sorry for him. Misfortune struck upon him last week.
A friend of mine, we’ll call her Mary (as said before, I can’t stand letter names) were talking to each other. We realise that we know NOTHING about each other, so we decided to ask for each other’s favourite things.
I then asked her what her ideal man is like. She explained in great detail and asked me. I essentially described my boyfriend, Jared. (LOL.)
Note: I don’t tell people IRL that I am in a relationship, because then they ask who the hell it is, and I hate it when they judge your relationship or something… I have friends who disapprove of Jared and I, just because they don’t know him. Ugh. Unlike people who shove it out there, I keep my relationship private. What Jared and I do is none of your business.
So this guy, who we’ll call Johnny (this is a ridiculous name) came and sat beside me. I’ve only talked to him ONCE, but we didn’t click at all. He came to just talk to Mary, I guess? (They know each other.)
I was still in the process of telling Mary my “ideal man” (AKA JARED LMAAOO) and he was just sitting there, listening. I stared at him and just said, “you’re just listening to girls aren’t you, desperate for some advice to get into a girl’s pants eh?” He denied it.
He also questioned some of my tastes, but I simply replied with “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND GIRLS!” He got furious and said, “YOU WANNA BET? I UNDERSTAND GIRLS. I’VE DATED THEM BEFORE.”
After I finished he made some Filthy Frank jokes, and I told him that I recognised them and I was a fan of Filthy Frank.
He then stole a cookie from Tear (some other friend who throws things constantly). Once Tear asked for it back, I store the cookie out of his pocket and accurately threw it on Tear’s lap. AWW YEAH, PRAISE MY THROWING SKILLS.
We just had small talk, and blah blah blah lunch was over.
On Tuesday, Tear told me that some guy had a crush on me, but she couldn’t tell me who. BUT MY OTHER FRIENDS KNEW.
BASICALLY THE BOY WHO HAS A CRUSH ON ME ASKED TEAR ADVICE ON HOW TO DATE ME. “Should I ask her out or…?” She advised him to be my friend first. GOOD JOB TEAR, AT LEAST I WON’T HAVE TO COLDLY REJECT A BOY!
AND I’M LIKE “WTF IS THISSS”
My friend, Mary said that him and I would make a cute couple, and apparently he’s my “ideal” man. HAHAHAHA NO MY IDEAL MAN S JARED.
My best irl friend, Lynn told me that she can imagine him and I being best friends, but can’t imagine us together.
Tear was surprised that he would have a crush on me, out of all girls. I’m not his type, apparently…
I guessed it was Johnny. They all denied it and said I was false.
I asked Mary if this guy is too shy to make a move. She told me that there’s a 50% chance he will make a move, and 50% chance that he won’t.
Well, this guy didn’t make a move on my birthday, which would have been a great day for points.
Today, Johnny sat beside me during lunch and offered me a piece of his cookie. I rejected it, saying that I was full, and Tear just took the cookie away from him and ate it instead.
Unlike being goofy as the last time we’ve talked, he was a bit too serious. He would always leave and come back a few minutes later after dealing with his friends. I heard him swear at them.
He also kept on making Filthy Frank jokes. I found them to be dull this time; he tried too hard. We didn’t talk much.
So one of the times he left, Tear and Lynn admitted that I was right and that Johnny likes me. Yeah, I knew from the start.
He isn’t making a great start, LOL. HE SAID HE UNDERSTOOD GIRLS. MHHHM. YEAAAH. I swear to god if he listened entirely to what I said about my ideal man, I’m going to be disturbed. (I MEAN, I EVEN SAID THAT I LIKED YANDERES. CRAP.)
I pity him because I am a terrible person to have a crush on. And that I’m in a relationship and I’m not going to end 3+ year relationship for some guy I met during lunch one day.
Eh, I’m curious if he’s going to continue or not. I want friends!